Shame on You for Assuming I Should Aspire to Marriage.

Can I just say for one second how OVER all this marriage talk I am? Seriously. If one more person comes up to me and broaches the subject of marriage with the assumption that my be-all-end-all goal is to get married, I am going to lose my fucking shit. Literally. I will literally lose my shit. One minute we'll be sitting there, talking about life, and the next, you'll say something idiotic like, "What a beautiful ring! But it belongs on the other hand, ehh???" and a steaming deuce is going to drop out of my anus, and I'm going to fling it at your fucking face like a fucking chimpanzee.

Does the world not realize women have to listen to this kind of shit all the time? This week I was trying to buy some SOAP, OK? Some fucking soap. And this sales woman says the thing about the ring being on the wrong hand. And I laughed so hard. One of those loud, piercing, aggressive "AS IF" laughs. And this saleswoman was looking at me like I was a fucking anomaly. Like, she couldn't even respect that I had no desire to get married. She just could not understand it.

 I wish more people understood that marriage is like an IPA. For some, it really hits the spot, you know? For others, it leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. And that's cool. We don't expect everyone to like an IPA. We don't expect them to change their minds later. And the people who think that just because you're in a stable long-term relationship, you should get married, they're like IPA snobs. And nobody likes an IPA snob.