The Parable of the Tomato Plant

I am a plant lady. This is not news; it is merely a fact that must be presented before I proceed with this story.

What follows is a real-life parable. It’s a story about a tomato plant. RIVETING stuff.

In case you forgot what a parable is, it is a simple story told to teach a lesson. Keep in mind that this particular parable is about an event that actually happened, unlike a story I was told about TURNING WATER INTO WINE, which I still have yet to prove is possible. SMH.

I am a plant lady. I have plants on the patio. Plants in the living room. Plants in the bathroom. Plants on the window sill in the kitchen. The latter are all herbs. They sit on a south-facing window sill in a sunny spot where…

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Sea World Gets Shit Together, Finally

On Thursday, March 17th, Sea World announced that it would no longer be breeding and showing off orcas at its parks. CONGRATULATIONS, PROTESTING INTERNET USERS AND ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS! YOU HAVE MADE A POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE WORLD. Sea World released some video with some whales on facebook and was all, "we heard you," like a kid pretending that they don't hear their parental unit bellowing at them from inside the house to stop tormenting lizards. In addition to the video, which I have provided below because I empathize with your lazy research skills, Sea World has created a website, called Here, you can find all sorts of useful information, like why Blackfish is propaganda and not a documentary, although I sorta kinda feel like they make two claims and then support only one in sufficient detail, kinda sorta like bull-shitting college students???? Also, call me crazy, but I noticed it in the "You Ask, We Answer" page, too--a Twitter user named Jennifer asked if orca calves weaned themselves naturally or if Sea World weaned them at a certain age, and Sea World LITERALLY DID NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION. FISHY SHIT, SEA WORLD, FISHY SHIT. You've done a good thing, Sea World, but this is 2016 and we have the internet and lots of questions. Good job w/ the Orcas tho. You (finally) did the good thing.